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| Turning Off Your Filter (cont.) |
- Flash forward to a current relationship. Your partner wants to go out for a night with the guys. Your first reaction is to compare this experience with previous experiences. Before you know it, you are suddenly filled with self-doubt and feelings of being unwanted or unloved. Instead of realizing that a guy's night out for your man is typically not a big deal, you run the situation though the filters you've develped in your previous relationship and it suddenly becomes a serious issue. Your partner has no idea that his seemingly simple request has caused these emotions in you, and therefore will have no idea how to react when you become upset. In fact, he may not even know why you are truly upset with him, because you are attacking his desire to go out instead of the insecurity your filter has caused. He will only see that his request for one night with the guys has turned into a huge problem, and this will probably leave him feeling upset, hurt, confused, or even angry or trapped.
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- In order to stop this cycle you need to change the way you react to a situation. You can’t always change the way you feel, so you need to work on changing the way you talk about how you feel or changing your perception of the situation.
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- In the example above, talking about how you feel and changing your perception could work conjunctly. If your filter turned on because you were worried they’d rather spend time with their friends than you, simply explain that to them. Let them know that sometimes your insecurity filter turns on and that occasionally you need to be reassured. You can also change your perception of the situation by realizing that your partner wants to go out with the guys just because he wants to go out with the guys. It's not that he doesn't want to be with you. The two are not exclusive.
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- The power to alter your perception of a situation is an amazing relationship ally. The more you realize you have the ability to change any situation just by changing the way you view it, the quicker you will learn to see your partner for exactly who they are and be able to perceive what they are really saying with their words or actions.
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- Lets see how we can Deal with it.. >>
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